Grieving through fitness

Tuesday January 14^th was an interesting day. I had taken the day off due to the current circumstances. Ryan and I dropped the boys off at school so we had about three hours of just us time to talk about everything. After talking I decided that maybe this was my indication it was really truly time to put more effort into being healthy. Ryan and I have had the eating healthy thing down for about a year now I just need a push to get myself to the gym.

We walked into a gym knowing it was the wrong one for us but, knowing we had to do something. We ended up picking up the kids and heading to another local gym that would be closer to my work. We walked out with two shiny black gym passes. I was thrilled and ready to go.

As with any loss we all grieve in our own way. I have chosen to grieve by waking up at the butt crack of dawn and train for a 5K. As my friends were all talking about the Dirty Dash I said no, I had better not because I knew I would be a big ol’ pregnant lady at that point. I am now motivated, motivated to be stronger, be able to run, and hopefully chase my kids for hours at the park. I have not signed up for the Dirty Dash, yet. I need to feel ready. I have felt somewhat uneasy about pushing myself too hard at the gym leaving never to return.  I have however been pushing myself, I have being going further and further than I ever thought possible. In fact, this morning I continued for an extra 20 minutes after my 5K portion was over. I think I am almost ready.

I found that grieving the loss of this little tiny human has made me grateful. I am so grateful that for those two little weeks I was able to think about life would be like. I am grateful that in my lifetime I have been able to see miracles.

I wish that I had realized all of the miracles I have experienced throughout my life the most amazing one being my boys. Who would have thought that three little boys would need a home so badly, that Ryan and I would preparing for them without even knowing they were coming. I feel like I have a lot to talk about when it comes to my three boys. My oldest, Jackson went through a lot in his 6 months of life, he experienced things that no one should have to. You see when you adopt a child from foster care you have to read their file, his file was big and it was so emotionally draining reading what we read. Dylan and Parker were born at 30 weeks, throughout their time in utero they dealt with a lot. When they were born I still remember the NICU nurses and Doctors amazed that they weighed as much as they did. They had to fight through a lot those first 12 weeks but, they did and they are such a miracle. It seems clique but, I think finding my husband was a miracle. I am grateful that through my plan I was given such a strong man. His strength in raising in our kids, taking care of me, his knowledge of the gospel and running successful businesses. I think that miracles can be big or small, and throughout our life we witness a lot of small ones that really are bigger than we let them on to be.